Simplifying the complicated
What’s a new year without resolutions, right? You make them, you break them and then you make them again. I think it’s a tradition that needs to remain, much like Santa, or Santana, as my autocorrect insists.
That takes me to my first resolution. Disable autocorrect on every device. My friends’ group on WhatsApp transformed my husband’s name to Shampoo. I have signed off emails as Morgan’s.
For one day, keep exactly to or under the speed limit, only drive on the fast lane and refuse to move out. It will be interesting to put myself in the shoes of many drivers who do just that, and see if I annoy everyone. Clear out anything from the house that has an expiry date six months prior to the day I found it. I just found a bottle of vanilla essence that expired in 2013. It was probably less vanilla and more sadness-andneglect essence by now anyway.
Get up early and go to the gym. Or get up early, go outside and sit with a nice cup of tea and hear the birds chatter (while the weather is good). In summer, just go to the gym.
I don’t know where one can buy photo albums, especially the giant ones we saw as kids, but that’s what I will buy in 2017. I want to print all the digital images (well, not all) we have and keep them in albums. My mother just brought albums with her dating back to the nineties and it is so much easier to laugh over physical photos than passing
a computer around.
I will resolutely avoid the word ‘awesome’, instead of using it and then cringing inside every single time. It is an awful word unless you are a child or in the Lego movie.
I will always try to smile and when it gets stretched to a point that I look like a scary monster, I will go eat chocolates. And on the same note, in 2017 I will make friends with people who eat Sprüngli chocolates, if only to raid their fridge.
I will laugh and enjoy every interaction with my bank. Last week’s question was priceless. After I had given my details and answered the security questions, the pleasant young man at the call centre asks in these exact words: ‘Is this your mum’s card?’
I will not feel guilty about playing music in my car that causes my son to roll his eyes and say: ‘What is that? What are you - 12?’ He may have a point, because even my 13 year old niece can only muster up a polite smile - the kind of affectionate yet mildly concerned smile a grandparent gives a child when they’re doing something silly - when
I play my songs. Also, I will play my music louder next year.
I said something to this effect last week, but I need to add it formally to my resolutions list for 2017. I will eat things that make me happy, but I solemnly commit to finding options that will prevent me from becoming the size of a small house. So between my two favourites of candy floss (220 cal) and caviar (50 cal), I promise to try and eat more of the latter.
I also promise to stop comparing myself to houses.
That’s my rather practical list of resolutions for 2017 and by the time next Tuesday rolls around, we will be in a brand new year. Hopefully we will be leaving behind all the breaking news updates of destruction and mayhem of 2016 and graduate to a more peaceful 2017.
Here’s wishing all of you an awesome New Year.